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Matt, the Chicken and Dale getting ready to draft.

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ASL 2010
 
The Yankees Suck and Other Notes from 2009
Drew Gallagher,
11/05/09
Gentlemen,

We just finished up our 25th season of the Altered States League and in a quarter century of playing this ridiculous (and entertaining) game I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a more unlikely team capture the crown than the 2009 Dodge Polaras squad. Seriously, look over that roster and tell me how he did it. But ultimately the question is moot because he did do it so congratulations to Matt on his first ASL crown! It could not have happened to a nicer guy. Also, kudos to substitute draftman Danny O for picking up such nuggets as $1 Ben Zobrist on draft day to point the Polaras in the right direction. (Trivia question: Which owner threw Zobrist back into the draft? Hint: He jumped off a building and broke his leg soon thereafter.)

Not to diminish Matt’s accomplishment but congratulations are also due to The Chicken for turning around that moribund squad he inherited in two years to take second place. I’ll go out on a limb and argue that Winterburn never would’ve had that team in contention…ever. In the win now era of sports, the pressure is on the Three-Headed Owner to try to turn Stu’s team around by October of 2010. Otherwise heads will roll. Which might be a good thing because then we’ll actually know which of the three owners to contact for trades.

The Question Marks cashed for a second year in a row (don’t tell his wife) and have a nice core of young players returning for 2010 or, as Mark refers to it, the last year with lovechild Nick Markakis under contract for less than $50.

Jamie kissed his sister by finishing fourth and one spot ahead of the 1st reserve pick but at least he got money instead of the second overall pick which I’m certain I’ll turn into Warner Madrigal. Dale somehow managed to make up a 13-point deficit over the last couple of weeks to claim the coveted number one overall draft pick. He has sent playoff shares to Carlos Pena, Adam Jones and Jose Guillen for bailing on the last month of the Drewers’ season.

In housekeeping matters, any questions or concerns you have going into 2010 should be sent to Jamie so he can include them in the winter survey. Please don’t be alarmed if Jamie doesn’t respond to your e-mails immediately, he’s probably procreating (again). At this rate, Jamie may be the first owner ever to populate a league exclusively with his own offspring. He could even use the ASL and simply change it to the All Schlesinger League.

I have glimpsed the potential keeper lists for 2010 and, my friends, I would not recommend it without first consulting your physician. It’s so bad that I won’t even let me six-year old near the computer screen for fear he might get nightmares. “Daddy, is Manny Delcarmen really a keeper?” “Go to bed son. Santa comes in less than two months.”

That being said, what fun would it be without some preliminary predictions for 2010…

Pitching-wise no one can hold a flame to The Tumors who return a $4 bullpen (Francisco is likely to get a contract) with Bailey and Francisco. He also has AL CY Young award winner to be Zach Greinke in the fold. Offensively he has Ellsbury, Juan Rivera and Aaron Hill so it looks like a money team. Probably the early November favorite for the 2010 title provided he doesn’t keep Carlos Gomez and Brett Gardner.
The Question Marks have a nice offense to build around Evan Longoria (contract year? $25 easy) and 2010 is the last year before I go for $50 Nick Markakis. Pitching is better than most.

Perk has a decent start on offense with Kendry Morales (look at his numbers, they are sick and probably worthy of Roto MVP of 2009), Alex Gordon and Sin Soo Choo (bless you) who leaves after 2010 to fulfill his Korean military service (I’m not making that up). His pitching sucks but that’s a recurring theme here.

The Chicks have a leg up on the rest of the league (except Chris) by having Aardsma in the coop. I made a trade this season where I threw in Nick Punto. Who throws in a sub $5 closer? Two heads may be better than one but I’ve got my doubts about three heads…

Our defending champion has Nelson Cruz and….and….a winner’s check from 2009. Hope he can stretch it out for a couple of years.

Yardbirds’ owner Rick Franz was recently heard saying: “A day without Gordon Beckham is like a day without sunshine.” The fact that he has three or four $1 outfielders to go with Mr. Beckham makes it an interesting squad for 2010. Morneau and Cano make it a little more pricey but the offense is there. His pitching sucks but I think you are all starting to get the gist.

Marty said that he saw Mauer, ARod and Crawford all as keepers. He’s got a pitching staff better than most so maybe tying up nearly $120 in salary on the other three won’t be so bad. But better than most means he has two or three pitchers worth keeping.

Jamie has Soria and Verlander so another team with pitching that goes two deep.

The Three-Headed Owner has Andrus and Adam Lind and David Aardsma heading into 2010. Not a bad start and better than the team Stu left him with, but then you remember that he traded Aardsma and it all starts to fall apart…

Is Rajai Davis for real? Scott hopes so. If LaPorta and Butler produce as expected the offense has a nice start to it.

And I just realized that I forgot to look at Dale’s team. I know his team would look a lot better with Zobrist and Cliff Lee but he does have the number 1 pick in the reserve draft.

Projected Order for money spots as of 11/5/09:

1. The Drewers!

2. The Tumors

3. The Question Marks

4. (tie) The Yardbirds, Perk and The Chicks

It’s November and to quote the late, great John Mittl: “I like my team!” (pitching be damned)

Congratulations again to Dodge. Bidding for Danny O’s services at 2010’s draft begins at two pitchers of Yuengling and an appetizer (if you can throw in a leftfielder for the Sox all the better).

Happy Trading!

Drewer
 

Matt hates pitching.
Dodge Polaras
Matt Dodge

Final 2009 Standings

  Avg HR RBI SB W S ERA Ratio
78 .270
8
223
7
858
6
153
11
97
12
83
11
3.87
11
1.24
12
Founder of the ASL, The ChickenThe Chicken
Mike Drago
75.5 .278
11
232
8.5
913
9
103
4
88
8
96
12
3.86
12
1.29
11
Orioles FanQuestion Marks
Mark Bennett
73

.279
12

245
12
1010
12
137
8
81
7
65
10

4.40
6

1.39
6
Mini-ChrisSean Rodriguez
Jamie Schlesinger
67 .256
1
237
10
880
8
145
9
94
11
62
9
4.00
9
1.31
10
Used to work at the Almost-a-BankDaley Doubles
Dale Scott
62.5 .278
10
213
5
926
10
147
10
72
6
59
7.5
4.16
7
1.35
7
Arrested by the fashion police in 2003Drewers
Drew Gallagher
61 .269
7
232
8.5
997
11
128
6.5
91
9
15
3
4.14
8
1.33
8
Do whatever this guy says, he's smartMalignancies
Chris Malinowski
51.5 .262
2
165
3
747
3
172
12
66
5
59
7.5
3.92
10
1.32
9
Tried to draft Kaz Matsui in the 2003 reserve draftCity Slickers
Marty Slickers
49.5 .274
9
215
6
822
5
128
6.5
93
10
29
5
4.58
8
1.46
3
Scott MetcalfeHuskies
Scott Metcalfe
43 .265
4
238
11
870
7
99
3
64
4
32
6
4.76
4
1.45
4
Rick FrantzYardbirds
Rick Frantz
27 .265
5
209
4
800
4
79
2
62
3
4
1
4.78
3
1.44
5
Provider of Chocolate DonutsPerk & Beans
Jon Perkins
22 .264
3
150
2
661
2
113
5
55
2
25
4
4.71
2
1.44
2
Paul RosaU.S.A. Forces
Paul Rosa
Jack Mitchell
14 .266
6
116
1
488
1
63
1
52
1
6
2
4.90
1
1.46
1
 

TENTATIVE 2010 DRAFT DATE:
Saturday, April 10th, 2010
Start time: 11:00AM
Location: The Third Rail Restaurant & Bar
404 Main Street, Blandon, PA 19510

Since some people forget every year:
You must draft 23 players for $260
(2) C, 1B, 2B, SS, 3B, IF, (5) OF, DH, U, (9) P

He's smiling.  This was apparently taken BEFORE he spent $18 on Mike Gonzalez.

2010 ASL
ROSTER FREEZE:

Saturday, April 3rd, 2010
Noon

You may retain up to 13 players.  You must also note any contract extensions at that time.  You may submit your freeze list early - you can change it as many times as you like up until the dead-line. However, once you submit your list, you may no longer make any trades until after the draft.  If you have more than (5) s3 rookies, you will not have to cut down to the maximum of (5) until draft day.

 
ASL TRADING RULES:
Draft Day thru noon on August 31st:  During the trading period, teams may accept only TWO "asterisk" players total throughout the year and those must be from different teams.  On the flip-side, a team may trade AWAY as many "asterisk" players as they like (but no two "asterisk" players to the same team.)

"Asterisk" players are any players auction drafted for $20 or over, any players FAAB drafted for $60 or over, players of any salary in the final year of their contract, and players traded to the National League.

Restricted Trading, 12:01 p.m. on August 1st thru noon August 31st: 
You may trade with any team +/- 5 points in the standings (based on the most up to date standings on the front page of the All-Star Stats web-site.  "Live" standings will not count, as there will be no way to verify it later.)  Also, all teams that have less than 40 points may all trade freely with each other.  The asterisk rules will apply during this period.
 

ASL "Win/Loss" Records, 1985-2009
Several years ago, when Jerry Heath was still in the roto business, researching the science of Rotisserie, he came up with a Won/Loss method to determine the "value" of players, in terms of their impact on the standings.

He would survey the final standings of hundreds of league. If a player was on a first-place team, he got a win. If he was on a last-place team, he got a loss. If he was on a team that finished between first and last, he had no record.

For example, if Pedro Martinez was drafted in 100 leagues, and was on 35 pennant-winners, and 5 cellar-dwellers, he would have a 35-5 "record." It usually turned out that the best players, purchased for the best value, had the best won-loss records.

Using Heath's W-L formula as a starting point, I thought I would create all-time standings for ASL franchises. Pennant-winners would achieve an 11-0 record (in a 12-team league). Second-place teams would have a 10-1 record. Last-place teams 0-11, etc.  Using that method, here's what I came up with:

Team Owner Seasons   Titles   $*   W   L   T   Pct.
Nicklebockers Steve Nickel 2       2   20   2   0   .909
Chicken Mike Drago 19   7   12   158   50   0   .760
Rob Sox Rob Schwartz 15   3   9   121   42   1   .742
Mystery Tramps Gerry Kahle 1       1   8   3   0   .727
Malignancies C. Malinowski 15   5   9   118   47   0   .715
Jon DeLoreans Jon Finglass 8   1   5   61   26   0   .701
Dr.K's Nelson Kohn 3   1   1   21   11   1   .656
Black Sheep Rich Ziemba 11       6   76   44   0   .633
Snyde Remarks Steve Snyder 12       6   82   48   1   .630
Gerry's Kids Gerry Orlando 6   1   2   38   26   2   .594
Atomic Bombers Tom Serpe 1           6   4   1   .590
Fan Club J. Schlesinger 3       2   19   14       .576
Dodge Polaras Matt Dodge 9   1   3   55   42   2   .567
Wine Drives Drew Wine 2   1   1   12   10   0   .545
Rug Burns S. Winterburn 8   1   2   47   40   1   .540
C.C.Bandits G.Ciambruschini 4       1   23   20   1   .535
Drewers D. Gallagher 25   1   7   136   135   2   .502
Grossouts Mike Gross 2       1   10   11   0   .476
City Slickers Marty Slickers 9   1   4   47   52   0   .475
Question Marks Mark Bennett 9       2   46   52   1   .469
DeCoys P. DeCoursey 11   1   4   55   65   1   .458
Daley Doubles Dale Scott 11       4   54   66   1   .450
AL Bees Al Walentis 8       2   39   48   1   .448
CarboKusics Gary Warner 2           13   19   0   .406
K-9s Kori Walter 5       1   22   33   0   .400
Morris Minors Dave Morris 13       4   56   84   3   .400
Yankee Clippers Rich Scarcella 8   1   1   33   53   2   .384
Yardbirds Rick Franz 5           21   34   0   .382
Salary Caps Mike Capilo 3           12   20   1   .378
Perk & Beans Jon Perkins 10       2   41   68   1   .376
Danny Ozarks Dan Haughney 10       3   41   69   0   .372
Mittl Infielders John Mittl 10           41   69   0   .372
R-Huskies Scott Metcalfe 5       1   20   34   1   .370
DARS A. DeRossa 4           12   30   0   .286
Nickerbockers John Nickerson 1           3   8   0   .273
Rosas/Dirt Paul Rosa 4       1   12   32   0   .273
1-Armed Bandits Jamie Yousaitis 4           11   31   1   .262
3 Sheetz 2 Wind Stu Sheetz 4       1   10   34   0   .227
R.Grumlings Darryl Grumling 7           17   60   0   .220
Borders Lions Chuck Border 1           2   8   1   .182
Highway Robbers Rob Webster 2           4   18   0   .181
Jay/Americans Jay Finglass 2           3   19   0   .136
Gonads Ed Mazur 1           1   10   0   .091
Snyder's Sliders Rod Snyder 1           0   10   0   .000
Nellie Foxes Dave Fox 1           0   11   0   .000
Wolf Gang Jeff Wolf 2           0   22   0   .000
46 Different
Ownerships
25 Seasons

 

Most Years
without a
Top 4 Finish
John Mittl 10
D. Grumling 7
Rick Franz 5
Jamie Yousaitis 4
A. DeRossa 4

 

Most Years
w/o Pennant
Dave Morris 13
Steve Snyder 12
Rich Ziemba 11
Dale Scott 11
Danny Haughney 10
John Mittl 10
Jon Perkins 10
 

2010 FAAB$

The Dead-Line for FAAB bidding is every Sunday at 11:59 p.m.

The last week of free-agent pick-ups is Sunday, 9/27.  Any bids in September must be bids of at least $5.  (So if you have $4 or less after August, you may NOT submit a bid!)

Garret Atkins for $14 makes him sooooo happy.

A.S.L. MENTIONED IN
BASEBALL WEEKLY

In the 10/11-17/00 issue of Baseball Weekly (Page 40), John Hunt ran a story called "This Season's Greatest Fantasy Finishes".  Hunt wrote: "...[in] the Altered States League... Drew Gallagher won after a 15-year drought (not long, since he's a Red Sox fan.) Gallagher's team won thanks to Mark McLemore's steal of second base in the final game.  He won the league by one point, finishing in a tie for first in stolen bases.  The second-place team happened to finish one behind the co-leaders in steals - meaning that steal made the difference.  (McLemore was Gallagher's final pick, 'and the closing bid happened to come as I was going to get another beer,' he said.)"

 

Mike Drago Pre-Draft Power Rankings!
I take the value each team has compiled going into the draft, then add the dollars left (minus inflation rate) and come up with a dollar value each team could expect to come out of the draft with. The "average" team, of course, would emerge at $260. A juggernaut would be around $300. Cellar-dwellers, like one of the early Drewer teams, around $200.

2003 Power
Rank
  Actual
Finish
Drewers 288   T8
Chicken 274   1
DeCoys 268   12
Rug Burns 260   5
Malignancies 254   2
City Slickers 247   11
Perk & Beans 223   3
Gerry's Kids 221   6
Daley Doubles 211   10
Dodge Polaras 211   7
K9s 210   4
Question Marks 190   T8
 
2002 Power
Rank
  Actual
Finish
Malignancies 331   1
Rugburns 300   6
DeCoys 293   2
Gerry's Kids 258   4
Question Marks 258   5
K9s 246   8
Chicken 229   10
Drewers 222   9
Daley Doubles 209   12
Perkolators 206   7
City Slickers 199   3
Dodge Polaras 182   11
2001 Power
Rank
  Actual
Finish
Malignancies 282   8
Daley Doubles 281   3
Gerry's Kids 269   1
Beltin Jons 265   T9
Rug Burns 264   2
K9s 263   7
Drewers 255   T9
Chicken 249   6
Dodge Polaras 246   5
Question Marks 233   12
City Slickers 219   4
DeCoys 205   11
 
2000 Power
Rank
  Actual
Finish
Malignancies 288   2
Chicken 282   3
Drewers 274   1
Perkolators 263   6
Mystery Tramps 250   4
Salary Caps 249   8
Daley Doubles 249   10
Rug Burns 236   12
Gerry's Kids 236   5
Gonads 211   11
K-9s 209   7
Rosas/Dirt 192   9
 

ROTISSERIE ACCORDING TO JON FINGLASS
by Drew Gallagher, 1999

"I’ll just keep you a minute…":
TRANSLATION: Honey, put on a pot of coffee.
OR: Honey, can we go visit your parents right now?

"They love his experience…":
TRANSLATION: The ubiquitous "they" are his parents. Experience, which is defined by Bubba Smith who is 32 and has never played above AA, is rarely loved by the major league skipper who couldn’t find the "prospect" at spring training with a map.

"Has your friend ever played rotisserie before…":
TRANSLATION: Does he know that Joe Charboneau has retired? Does he know that "having a good September for Wichita" is not one of the eight scoring categories?

"Davey Johnson loved this guy when he was with the Orioles…":
TRANSLATION: We all know that Davey Johnson managed the Orioles in the mid-90s. However, few remember that Davey used to "play" for the Orioles in the early 70s and that is when he "loved this guy". Please remember that players eligible for the Hall-of-Fame or broke in with Dwight Evans have little rotisserie value currently.

"Rob and I were discussing this…":
TRANSLATION: Although Rob may have been on the phone at one time that evening with Jon, he probably wasn’t listening, let alone agreeing that Tom Neidenfuer only played well for Jonathan.

"For whatever reason, he only plays well for me…"
TRANSLATION: Please trade with me because I am psychologically dependent upon my rotisserie team and subsequently the players I had 10 years ago. Pity is the great motivator here!

"We’re not even in the same stratosphere…"
TRANSLATION: I’ve been playing this game for 15 years and have yet to make a fair trade and am sure as hell not going to make one now! (Consolation prize: You AREN’T in the same stratosphere as Jonny Boy!)

"That’s interesting, but let’s just tweak it a little bit…"
TRANSLATION: Take out anything on my side of value and you add to your side of the already overwhelmingly one-sided deal and I’ll grin.

"If no one wants to trade now, that’s fine. We know who they’ll be coming to during the season and overpaying for…"
TRANSLATION: Editor’s Note—This phrase has sexual undertones that we are not comfortable delving into.

"Just a few short orders of business before the draft…":
TRANSLATION: Go to the hotel’s front desk immediately and advise them that you will be staying for another night.

"I was Michael’s best man, but…"; "I liked Pete, but we just didn’t play well together…"; "Greg’s a great guy, but…"; "Don’t get me wrong, I liked Morris, but…" "Nickel’s one of my best friends, but…" "Jay’s my brother, but…"
TRANSLATION: In gambling lingo this is known as a trend.